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In other words, there's no need for there to somehow be some perfectly identical exchange of activities, and with opposite-sex partners, that's not really even all that possible, since you've got different parts! If you feel afraid with any of this, that's your brain trying to give you a hint that things are moving too fast for you. That talk might start something like this, "I'm enjoying the manual sex you're giving me, and I know you want the same for me, but I just don't want to yet. Lots of people enjoy a given sexual activity which may not do all that much for them physically, but deliver emotionally or intellectually. And I mean at the time: Suffice it to say, the fact that you chose "afraid" for your handle says an awful lot. I am ok with my boyfriend fingering me, but I never tell him to, or even elude to it.

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That talk might start something like this, "I'm enjoying the manual sex you're giving me, and I know you want the same for me, but I just don't want to yet. Here is an excerpt from a chapter of my book which talks about issues like this one very directly:.

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I don't want to give him a handjob back: what do I do?

Here is an excerpt from a chapter of my book which talks about issues like this one very directly:. But I am uncomfortable with giving him hand jobs. He gets oral sex from me: I am ok with my boyfriend fingering me, but I never tell him to, or even elude to it. I also, though, don't want this to be one-sided, so can we talk about how to work that out? It also sounds like this keeps happening without any real discussion about it, and being able to talk about these things -- and ask a partner what they want, on both sides, before doing it -- is important for a healthy sex life.

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